


You deserve so much more

by superwholockedin



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, also as platonic, buck finally gets a hug, can be read as pre-slash but
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-05
Updated: 2020-05-05
Packaged: 2021-03-03 02:07:35
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,896
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24017209
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/superwholockedin/pseuds/superwholockedin
Summary: Eddie doesn’t know what to say--has never been the best with words--so he simply reaches over and grabs Buck’s hand.“Why am I always…” Buck sucks in a deep breath instead of finishing his sentence.“Always what?”A choked sob is the answer he receives. “...left behind…” he rushes out in between one sob and the next.--or I had a lot of feelings about Abby screaming at Buck in the preview for next weeks episode...
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley & Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Evan "Buck" Buckley/Abby Clark, past - Relationship
Comments: 4
Kudos: 154





	You deserve so much more

**Author's Note:**

> Ok so I'm emotional and wrote this at 3 AM after thinking about it for about 20 minutes so it's a mess and underdeveloped but I just have a lot of emotions about the writers hurting my baby (AGAIN)

“Abby?” There’s so much going on around them but Eddie can’t miss the way Buck stops in place, his jaw open wide. His hands find the visor and pull it up to get a better look at the woman in front of them.

Said woman turns to face the two of them and Eddie...Eddie had never met Abby before but he’d heard about her. Chim and Hen had told him all about what she had meant to Buck but...seeing her...she’s not really what he’d been expecting.

For starters, she’s a lot older than Eddie had thought she’d be, he’d thought she was a 20-something year old, not the 40-something year old in front of them. Even then, and even though she looks disheveled right now, Eddie can still tell that she’s a beautiful woman. Her blonde hair and wide eyes make her stand apart in any crowd--especially right now but that’s for other reasons. 

He turns to his best friend to see Buck standing, frozen in place. 

“Buck!” she cries, halting in her own stride. Then Buck’s running towards her, asking a million questions a second the way he does. Eddie knows there’s bigger things going on than his jealousy but his gut still burns as he watches Buck’s hand linger over her arm. 

“What--what are you doing here?” Buck stumbles out but Abby is far too frazzled to be having this conversation right now, that much is clear. “When did you--?” He starts asking and Eddie knows that he’s forgotten where he is and what is happening, he’s lost in his mind. Still, Eddie is hesitant to interfere because he doesn’t want to intrude on a private moment--though he knows eavesdropping is still pretty intrusive.

“Buck, I can’t--” Abby shakes her head, snapping herself out of the trance that seeing Buck again had thrown her in. Immediately, she starts looking around her again. Eddie isn’t sure what she’s looking for, if she’s even looking for something that isn’t just a way out of the current conversation.

“I thought you were in Europe--”

“I really can’t do this now!” Abby yells over the sound of something crashing in the distance and all three of them don’t let themselves think about what could’ve made that noise. Instead, Abby continues walking, determined, away from the two of them. 

“Abby...Abby, stop!” Buck grabs her arm once more, pulling her back towards him and away from the burning trains behind them. 

“I am trying to find my fiance!” she screams, louder than before and Eddie watches the very moment that Buck’s heart shatters. 

Eddie may not have seen them together or seen Buck before her but he saw how he was after. How angry he was and how sad he was in the ways that he thought no one could see. And in this moment, he can see just how much he had loved her in the way his eyes shut down and he steps away from her, only a step--something so small-- but it’s enough.

He thinks that maybe Abby will realize that she’s hurt him, that she’ll try to apologize, but a beat of silence passes, just her staring at him and him staring back. 

“What does he look like?” Eddie jumps in instead. 

He knows Buck needs a subject change, something different to focus on. He needs a situation that he has more control of--even if that situation is a derailed, burning train. 

He listens as Abby lists off the description and ensures her that they will do everything to find him but that they need to move away from this area. He can see the fire burning brighter with every moment passing and knows it’s a recipe for disaster. 

In the corner of his eye, he sees the way Buck’s face has gone stoic and he knows that Buck isn’t hearing anything she’s saying.

Slowly, they make their way away and start the search for the man.

\--

Eddie isn’t even sure how many hours later it is that they finally get back to the station. 

Abby had found her fiance eventually, the two had had a passionate, emotional reunion where Abby held the man tightly, like she feared he’d slip out of her grip if she loosened up. 

They’d worked him and a couple of other passengers into the medical triage and after a while, the time melted away. Abby had gone into the ambulance with her fiance and like any other patient, she disappeared without a word. 

Buck had stood at the back of the ambulance as it drove away, staring at nothing, lost in thought. 

And now, Eddie was standing at the locker in the changing room, watching Buck. Hen and Chim had since left the station, heading home to their respective homes. Eddie had lingered under the pretense that he wasn’t ready to have to put on a brave face for Chris yet but he knew, deep down, that it was more than that. It was about the haunted look he’d seen on Buck’s face.

Said man was there, moving and breathing, but he didn’t seem  _ there. _

He hadn’t said more than 2 words that weren’t related to medicine or helping a patient since Abby had shown up.

“Hey,” Eddie prompted, snapping Buck’s eyes onto him. “How are you holding up?”

Buck looks tired, in more ways than one. 

Eddie had seen the exhaustion building up for a while now. 

He’d seen it in the way he’d fussed over Eddie after the Hayden incident and the way he’d worked himself up over Red. He’d seen it in the way he was still working himself half to death on every scene to prove himself to Bobby and anyone else watching--despite the fact that months had passed since the lawsuit. 

He saw it in the way he is standing here now, eyes distant and closed off. It was scary. Buck had, with the exception of the first day they met, always worn his heart on his sleeve and was always forthcoming with whatever was bothering him. 

But now he shrugs and turns away, closing his locker. 

“Long day.” he breathes out quietly and Eddie nods, unsure what else to do. It’s not exactly an answer to his question but he’ll take what he can get. 

“Yeah…” he hates this. It’s never awkward between the two of them, it was what made them work, what made being  _ them  _ so easy. “So, that was Abby, huh.” It’s not a question because  _ of course  _ it was Abby but it’s the smoothest transition Eddie can think of. Even still, he sees the way Buck cringes at her name.

“Yep.” And Eddie knows that ‘yep.’ The short, clipped answer. The one that you tell yourself is a satisfactory answer so that you don’t have to open your mouth too long. Because once you open your mouth, you know your body will betray you and you’re going to lose all control. 

Eddie slides onto the bench next to Buck. 

“Wanna talk about it?” Buck gives a mix between a head shake and a shrug. When he doesn’t say or do anything more, Eddie speaks again. “She’s different than I expected. Never knew you had a thing for older girls.” he teases, hoping it’ll break this damn ice that’s surrounding them.

To his relief, Buck cracks a small smile. “Didn’t know she was older at first.” he mutters.

“How is that possible?” Eddie cocks an eyebrow. 

“Can’t tell age over the phone.” he shrugs and it hits Eddie harder than ever that he really doesn’t even know how the two of them met. He is about to internally debate if he should ask or not when Buck continues, making the choice for him. “There was this call...little girl and a home invasion. We had to use the sirens to find out which house she was in.” He begins slowly. “Abby took the call and...she was just so...passionate. She kept the girl so calm, so safe, until ‘Thena got there. And she was so amazingly strong...and...she was the first person to ever make me feel like what I was doing  _ mattered  _ to somebody..And after that day, we started talking everyday.”

“Only over the phone?”

“I…” Buck ducks his head, scratching the back of his neck. “Back then, I wasn’t the person I am now…” Eddie knows this, has heard all about Buck 1.0. “I didn’t trust myself enough to not sleep with her if I saw her in person.” Buck has come out of his shell a little bit now, a huge relief to Eddie. “But after a few phone calls, I started having feelings for her...like legit feelings. I wanted to tell her everything first, I wanted to take her on proper dates, and I wanted to be the one she wanted to do all that stuff with too.”

“But then, just when I started to let myself fall for her…” he trails off and shakes his head, looking down at the ground. 

“She left.” Eddie finishes for him and Buck nods silently. “Buck…” 

“And  _ now... _ she’s...she’s engaged!” He takes a full 180, his voice raising rapidly. “I...I was sitting here like an  _ idiot  _ waiting for her and she was off in Europe, meeting other people!” He runs a hand through his hair. “I…” the fight rushes out as quickly as it came and he sinks back into himself. 

Eddie doesn’t know what to say--has never been the best with words--so he simply reaches over and grabs Buck’s hand. 

“Why am I always…” Buck sucks in a deep breath instead of finishing his sentence. 

“Always what?”

A choked sob is the answer he receives. “...left behind…” he rushes out in between one sob and the next. Eddie’s heart shatters in his chest and he quickly pulls the younger man into his chest. 

“Buck, no.” he shushes him even as his body shakes more intensely with every passing moment. “No _cariño_ you are never going to be left behind.”

Buck shakes his head against Eddie’s chest. 

“She made a huge mistake leaving you and by doing that, she missed out on someone so incredible.” he presses on without giving Buck the chance to intervene. “She missed the wonderful, amazing person that you became  _ without her. _ ” 

“I’m not…” he shudders, “I’m...exhausting an--and--” 

Eddie pulls him away from his body just enough that their eyes can meet and he shakes his head. “No. You are not exhausting, don’t you ever think that.”

Buck has nothing to say in response and so Eddie lets him collapse back into his chest. “I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry that I ever said that. That I ever made you feel like that.” he apologizes. “You are not exhausting, you are generous, so generous.”

“I’m not..I just do things...to-to make...mys-self feel better…” 

“Buck, everything you do, you do to make someone else feel better. You work your hardest day in and day out to make people feel good. And no one says thank you for that...so thank you. Thank you for everything you’ve done for me...and for Chris.” 

Buck doesn’t say anything more, quiet tears rushing down his cheeks and into Eddie’s shirt. 

“You deserve so much better than you get.” 


End file.
